EVE of NYE...

I am in an extremely good mood! Early outing with friends, Jazz, B-day celebration and then late night dance fever!!! 'Tis my type of dayyyyy! =)

Kicking 'round the web and found this remix... gives it a happier feeling =)

The Sounds of VTech / Think It Over (Exile Remix)   

Is it just me, or does something about the remix remind you of this...? Could just be me though. I've had a "dance fever" mood since Monday so, yea lol

YOU THOUGHT I WAS RANDOM BEFORE?! LOL BEWARE OF ME; BE VERRRYYY AFRAID, BECAUSE I WON'T BE ACTING IN FEAR! LOL!!! STARTING WITH SKYDIVING IN PR!

Think it Over...

Him: Sooo... I'm no good at dating. I know how to have a fucking relationship. I know how to be friends. I know how to be in a relationship. I don't know how to be in between.

me: Yahhh...me either. Because either I'm investing, or I'm not. PERIOD!

Him: exactly. now i gotta listen to Bilal "levels"

me: lol

**Ladies, if you don't have platonic male friendships to balance out your crazy female friendships... I feel sorry for you! SERIOUSLY! My close male friends put things into perspective for me, and I go to them when I need a testosterone push! Anyway, "Levels" wasn't my thing this morning, but "Think it over" was.**

The Son’s Call to Internal Inquisition

So what does that mean? The moment I found out what this epiphany could do to the ego... Make it vanish and evaporate? All in a desperate attempt to relinquish this emotion? I stepped outside myself for once and failed. Ego looks slightly, never completely facing me, to laugh at my misfortune... “Ay Dios mio, su tanto corazone” Expected more from you than self, forced the first among many wrong steps on that dead ending road. Take out the "but" and you have a less than pleasing reality, deal with it. I looked to my right and decided it was time to replace that old crown. Bring a new vision to my manifest destiny, but not in an attempt to plow all those in my way. This one sang glorious songs of progression and growth. Breathe life into goals and ideals set aside specifically for me by the Almighty.

Special; just for me, set aside by the Almighty.
Envisioned a new route. A new way. A new day. A new dawn. Same Son though, this one has never let me down. It continues to nourish my crops, the failure only comes when I neglect my field during the season of reaping. In acknowledging The Son, he adorned me with a new crown. I don't believe my mind is good enough for this. He nestles it comfortably on my head and reassures me that his light shines only for vividly accurate visions. "I'm never wrong."

*Expressions by Nina B.*

Dear Mr. Tooth Fairy...

Last night I had a dream that my teeth were falling out. Nothing abnormal about that for me, at one point I was having them often, but this one was different. Normally when my teeth are falling out in dream land it's from something violent, like falling down the stairs. After I fall, my teeth shatter and I wake up. The End! Fin! But not last night...

This dream was different in that throughout the dream I was fully aware of my teeth falling out. I would run my tongue across them in expectancy because they were so loose and bloody. All the while, I was going through my dream doing normal true-to-life activities. Shopping with my family, meeting up with friends and being quite the social butterfly.

Did my teeth ever fall out you ask? Yes, they did... I went to the bathroom while shopping and saw them fall out then slide around in the porcelain sink. I didn't wake up immediately; on the contrary, I continued to dream and new teeth grew back brighter than ever!!!! Ta-daaaa!!! It's like Houdini came and decided that this time, this one particular time, my experience would be pleasant. I would have been excited if they grew back diamond studded! I'm beaminnggggg snitchessss! lol <-----sarcasm!

At any rate, I always thought teeth falling out in dreams was tied to vanity until someone told me it meant I was holding back a secret. Well, if the latter is the case, I know exactly what it's about. To prevent myself from having this dream again, I'm going to type a letter for someone and instead of sending it to them, I'll send it to myself! BOOM! Problem solved! I'm keeping this secret; I refuse to let it spread like a virus, so hopefully reading my thoughts will end this stupid thought process! Wish me luck!

Peace...

Nina B.

Merry CHRISTmas!!!

Not much to say beyond the obvious! I'm beyond thankful for my blessings and for the greatest gift of all; SALVATION! As my family continues to embrace this winter wonderland, my mother retreats to the basement where I am, to tell me my cousin is coming over. She has tears in her eyes, and without her saying a word, I know what she's thinking.

Me: Teresa?
Mom: Yes, I just didn't want Chris to see me cry.
Me: It's ok, I've cried all week. I understand.
Mom: **silent nod**
(we laugh about a few other things before she heads back upstairs)

Today is bitter-sweet. We are mourning the loss of my cousin, almost 6 months exactly from today, but welcoming the closeness it's forced upon us all. I ask of anyone reading this, that you pick up the phone and call the one person that crossed your mind, but you have yet to contact. Don't wait... time is of the essence, and the essence is now!

With that being said, I am blessed! I have friends and family that I wouldn't dare trade for anything in this world! My journey is not always what I want, but it's always what I need! God has NEVER failed me, even when at THAT moment I felt he did, it was all for my good and inevitably for HIS Kingdom! If you are a friend, know that I am thankful for you! If you are family, know that I am thankful for you! lol and if we only cross paths occasionally, know that I am thankful for you too! I am you, and you are me! **Insert insanely large grin**

Peace, and blessings!

Nina B.

A hustler... of sorts!

"I'm a hustler. My hustle is trying to figure out the best ways to do what I like without having to do much else." ~Mos Def

So, today I marched on a path I'd been tip-toeing on for years! Did I say years?! I pride myself on providing loved ones, and even strangers, with positive reinforcement. I believe, however, that it's about time I push myself to be my best. Let's see what happens!

Indigo Charlie

Happy Hump day folks! Have you beaten your yesterday yet? =)

Anywayz, I stumbled upon this today while going through Clutch's site. I loveeeee the hair! I always think my hair is too wild when it gets that big, but she rocks it very well! She's Solange's personal assistant, and if you know me, then you know I'm a fan of that. YES... I would take Solange over Bey depending on the day! Solange has hella soul and does it for the art, not the machine.

Back to Indigo Charlie, that name is lovely to me because it combines my Gradpa's name and one of my favorite word colors. Yes, the word "indigo" is a favorite word color, right up there with magenta and coral. The video, I love it; it does a great job of capturing the back and forth of some relationships. As I blink my eyes, is that kid from the movie "Holes"? lol...The song is pretty dope as well. She reminds me of Lykke Li!

Peace... Nina B.

Morning Bell...

Middle of the night, well at least for an early-to-bed and early-to-rise person like me, and I can't sleep. As cliche as this sounds, I want to tell you in my best Kanye West voice, "these dreams be keeping me up at night". I won't expose my heart, because out of it flows my spring of life, but know that I have written it on a tablet and made it plain. Another scripture on my brain is, "without vision the people perish". I apologize to anyone that thinks I'm speaking in code; because I am, kinda like Nina-isms as a few of my friends call it. My personality tends to be very random, but when I set my heart and mind like a flint to something, my tunnel vision is impeccable! The ooooonnlllyyy issue I have with being in this mode is that my stomach switches to it as well. When my emotions heighten, one could easily be led to believe my stomach is trying out for the olympics: long jump, high jump, sprints, long distance, hurdles and shot put. At any rate, as I lay in my dark room, no light except for the glow from the windows emitted by the street lights and the bright light of my blackberry, I am thankful for a vision. I am also thankful, in advance, that God will fulfill it. Ohhhhh you thought I lay awake in nervousness? *chuckle*

Morning Randoms: 12.13.10

"If you see or hear goodness from me/Then that goodness is from The Creator/You should be thankful to The Creator for all of that/'Cause I'm not the architect of that/I'm only the recipient/If you see weakness or shortcoming in me/It's from my own weakness or shortcoming/And I ask The Creator and the people to forgive me for that" - Mos Def

"But you hate one another because each of you deems himself too great to be the brother of the next man." K.Gibran

"Man would dream [Jesus's] dream but he would not wake to [Jesus's] dawn. Which is his greater dream." -K.Gibran

"You cannot live your life to please others. The choice must be yours because when you step out to face that creature, you will step out alone." -Alice in Wonderland

Side Note:

• Yes, I realize how random those all are; that those sources aren't normally seen together. If you know my randomness, then you get it. Otherwise... **shrug**
  

Bookmark

That picture of us, black and white in color, but filled with the vivacious auras of joy, laughter and love. I see them clearly. I think I see flickers of hope sprinkled sparingly throughout, but I realize now it wasn't saturated enough to keep it going. Yep, that picture, the one you always wanted copies of; I use it as a bookmark now. Not sure of the significance. I decided it was a wise, unselfish and loving decision to let you go, but I'm not sure why I haven't locked that picture away in my trunk filled with past treasures. I know fully that I can not ask God to release the treasures he's stored up for me, while holding on selfishly to someone else's.
Back to the subject at hand: the bookmark. The wanderlust in me will forever be a bag lady for books: three in the purse, two in the trunk of my car, and that's just what I can recall right now. Flipped through the pages of one, on to the second and cracked open the third, only to see that thread of pictures. I scan each one like it's anew. I've always liked how picture booths can do that, innocently capture fleeting moments, feelings, and emotions that would otherwise go unnoticed. Anyway, in spite of my renewed awe, I decide that I need to purchase a new bookmark today.

*expressions by Nina B.*

My Randomness...

This song makes me feel like I should be dancing in the kitchen cooking paella or inside a sexy tapas bar having sangria (white being my favorite) with my closest friends =) It makes me happy! Can't wait for Puerto Rico in January... much needed getaway!

To be continued (pt. 1)

Cold winters force a slow and steady pace. Thoughts scurry in and out the brain's loop. Holes. Less sunshine doesn't mean less light. On the contrary, it calls for a retrospect of sorts. Sometimes I feign to be shallow, think less, have less headaches and accept lies shipped out by society as they freight in on the railways of everyday life. Not really confusion, no... Not at all confused. Simply a search for enlightenment that won't cease. The paradigm begs to shift as my subject positioning remains. I am now more equipped to handle the vast array of information presented to me and sort it appropriately. The person within pulled the cord... "stop requested". Hold for a moment as I battle the paralysis...

*expressions by Nina B.*

Sun is Always Shining =) ... even when it's cold out!

"When the morning gathers the rainbow/ Want you to know I'm a rainbow too"

'08

Ok, so this wasn’t suppose to happen.
Now what?
That moment in time when every THING stands still, and what would seem completely bad turns out not to be (so much). Unnecessary memories fade, you only see today and flashes of tomorrow...next week... next month... next year... the following decades. There’s beauty in this! There’s beauty in this! There’s beauty. In this.

Epiphanies blossom.
Realizations emerge.
Embodied moments.
Regrets denied.
Defeats NOT accepted.
Triumphs indeed.
Non, je ne regrette rien
Endings end.
Beginnings begin.

Thank you for this chance, I owe you more than I know!
Turning point.
*Expressions by Nina B.

COMS: 531 (Listening)

Me: I'm taking a listening course next semester.
I think I am hard of hearing
Janelle: #thingswecanallagreeon

Yes, I am truly taking a listening course as an elective for my last semester. I generally do what I want and disregard what anyone is saying because I assume they either don't know what they're talking about or they would do better if they knew better. This is very hazardous to my relationships (professional, friendships, platonic, etc.) I'm excited about this! So the course description is as follows:

Examines the styles of listening in communication and applies them in the different contexts of the communication process. Develops sensitivity and effective listening skills in human interaction.

"Develops sensitivity and effective listening skills in human interaction" sounds like I'm an alien life form that's never had human interaction! *sigh* lol wish me luck!

Peace...

Nina B.

Happy Thanksgiving!!!!

"Wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving." -Kahlil Gibran

Cognitive Dissonance On the Horizon

He enjoyed her heartbeat, it’s bright light shining through all the muck. His or hers? Doesn’t matter... just know that there was muck. The rhythm sporadically called for him in the most soothing way; on one hand intriguingly definite, and on the other confusingly beautiful. Both very aware of the past, knowing one can not move forward without it, she lived for the present and he for the future.

Could they meet within the horizon’s loyal embrace? Earthy Non-conforming Traditionalist meets Windy Religious Innovator. Overall theme to reduce dissonance meant either giving up and justifying how one side was more important than the other or welcoming the idea that the earth and sky operate efficiently together. Shift in attitudes. Breakdown of beliefs used as security blankets. New actions that intertwine present and future. The solution? Yep, it lies jusssssttttt within the horizon. That apparent line that no one has ever been able to reach, but together, somehow, they could.

She lived for the present and he for the future, but both knew moving forward was impossible without the other. She adored his eyes, their bright light shining through all the muck. His or hers? Doesn’t matter... just know that there was muck. They danced joyfully in the midst of both trials and in happiness; on one hand intriguingly definite, and on the other confusingly beautiful.

*Expressions by Nina B.
SN
-Wasn't so sure if I should post this one, but what the hell... some things have to be released into the universe.
- The picture is from '08 in Tampa. I got chased by a flock of seagulls for my sammich (yes, i said sammich) and jet-skied alongside dolphins (I cried in horror initially thinking they were sharks)! ahahaha PERFECT DAY! iLIVE for days like that!

Be Gentle

Francis de Sales

Don't lose any opportunity, however small, of being gentle toward everyone. Don't rely on your own efforts to succeed in your various undertakings, but only God's help. Then rest in God's care of you, confident that God will do what is best for you, provided that you, for your part, work diligently but gently.

I say 'gently' because a tense diligence is harmful both to our heart and to our task and is not really diligence, but rather over eagerness and anxiety.... I recommend you to God's mercy. I beg God, through that same mercy, to fill you with God's love.

Source: Unknown but I pulled it from inward/outward.

**I have to work on being more gentle in my diligence. Being pushy often cancels out the sweetheart in me lol**

iLIVE

“Anything or anyone that doesn’t bring you alive is too small for you.” -David Whyte

I'm A Star

Gotta respect Ms. Chrisette Michele for doing what us natural hair folks call the BC (big chop). Takes a lot of courage, but speaking from experience it's refreshing and invigorating to love yourself without that mess society generally rules as a "mark of beauty" (long hair). I'm sad she didn't rock it more in the video, but I absolutely love the turban and her gray ant status sunglasses!

Anyway... her video for "I'm A Star" has been on repeat for me today and the lyrics are cute. I'm sure Ne-yo wrote it, sounds like his speed.

"I've seen it, done it, ran it, run it
Been to the bottom then i came back from it
That'll be the pain in the pit of my stomach
Dont regret a thing just keep it 100
I been the drama and the bad news
I been the struggle and the damn blues
Shed tears over silliness.
I seen a lot but know what
Its as real as it really gets..."



In the mean while, I'm LATE and checking out her mixtape with Lem Payne "Love Thy Brother" and so far so good, we shall see.

Download Mixtape | Free Mixtapes Provided by DatPiff.com

Peace...

Nina B.

Nina Simone "Central Park Blues"

Rainy day in Chicago... "MELLOW" is my mood, and I can't say that I'm complaining about the pace change.

Kahlil Gibran "Jesus The Son of Man"

"Remember this: a thief is a man in need, a liar is a man in fear; the hunter who is hunted by the watchman of your night is also hunted by the watchman of his own darkness."

If you did not know, I will simply say, Lebanese-born, visionary artist and writer Kahlil Gibran (1883–1931) is nothing short of amazing! I stumbled upon him my freshman year in college with "The Prophet", and have been in love ever since. I recall grabbing a highlighter, which I often highlight quotes or words in books, and realizing that I would end up with neon yellow pages through out. I quickly learned that Gibran's intention was to make you pause, think and embrace the moment of freedom you'd just read.

"Jesus The Son of Man", one of Gibran's last works, was an idea he pondered over for years but did not write until he was critically ill, take that how you want. I got it this summer (blame my slow reading on graduate school) and was immediately in awe. It's a compilation of passages dedicated to Jesus, but not in a "sing-songy" manner; it's written from the perspective of those that encountered Jesus, whether they loved or hated him. The passionate place from which Gibran wrote displayed grace in every aspect of the word, even in the text intended to convey hatred or disdain.

My favorite passage was from the perspective of A Man Outside of Jerusalem that encountered Judas after he gave up Jesus to the Romans. I know what you're thinking, "How could THAT be one of her favorites?" Well, you might have to pick it up to figure out why. This, just like all of Gibran's writings, should definitely be added to your collection. You want to see how politics, beauty, love, hate, regret, pain, humility, anger, confusion and more NEVER change with the times, then definitely grab this piece. HAPPY READING FOLKS! Peace...

Side notes:
-Not sure if you Illinois grads remember when the Black House had a bookstore in the basement. Man that was the best thing EVER!
-A personal wish I've had for years now is to visit the Telfair Museum in Savannah, GA where they exhibit a collection of his drawings, watercolors, and paintings. This will get done in the next year, I can promise that!

One Art

The art of losing isn't hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster,

Lose something every day. Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant
to travel. None of these will bring disaster.

I lost my mother's watch. And look! my last, or
next-to-last, of three beloved houses went.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,
some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster.

-- Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
I love) I shan't have lied. It's evident
the art of losing's not too hard to master
though it may look like (Write it!) a disaster.

Elizabeth Bishop

Idiosyncrasy

He described her beauty while gazing blankly at the white clouds. “Round. Curvy. Delicious.” Delicious? “Yea... like ripe fruit. The transformations of her intellect-- dance in and out of consciousness at the perfect times just for entertainment and enjoyment. But her idiosyncrasy seemed so natural, as if she recited this short story time and time again. I don't know if I should love or hate her. Maybe love to her love her? Maybe hate to love her?”

He said...
He said...
He said...

“I love her. I’d love to. Cover her. Breath her. Dream her. Oh yea... I dreamt her ya’ll"
expressions from Nina B.

Brother Time

Denial sat patiently waiting for the sun to shine. Dripping water faucets. Ticking...Tocking...Clocks. TIME BOMBS! Evasive time, nothing promised except that it shall quickly pass; beating down on our very being. Waiting on no one but we seem to be waiting on it.

**he whispered in my ear** Oh I do love waiting.

Here we go again.

**he slid his fingers through my hair ever so gently** I am with you always, but not really for you. It just so happens that I’m everywhere. But don’t go nowhere, nahhhh love... just wait on meeeee. Be complacent. Grey hair, Alzheimer's, old bones and death.
expressions from Nina B.

Oak Tree vs. Ivy Vines

I really do not want this blog to be my gibberish, it's intended to display my inspirations and creative writing skills. There will occasionally be, however, discussions that inspire my outlook and I'll gladly post them. M.A.N. is a person that is always eager to show me myself (good, bad and ugly) any time I ask or even when I don't want to hear it; "mirror" is what we fondly call one another. I had a discussion with M.A.N. yesterday about growth and evolution spawned from a relationship with someone and it really made me think some things over about myself.

M.A.N.: So why do you think you liked that person so much?
Me: Because I thought he could help me grow.
M.A.N.: Why do you always want someone to help you grow and are not willing to help someone else grow?
Me: I think I help people grow! So in the two years you've known me I haven't helped you grow?
M.A.N.: You have helped me point out the flaws in my design through watching you and interacting with each other but learning something new, no.
Me: *shrug* Sorry (This is me being mad. Yes, at 26 I throw tantrums.)
Me: Well I think that's still a form of growth! Just because I didn't help you learn something new does not mean you did not grow. Just a different form of growth.
M.A.N.: I can agree with that.

Now, M.A.N. saying he agrees is probably more him not wanting to be bothered with arguing me up and down. lol I say Ivy Vines can be just as powerful as an Oak Tree in some regards. Today M.A.N. is trying to tell me that helping others become an Oak Tree "involves [me] putting [myself] second at times...and it seems to only work on [my] time without concern for what others have going on..." As intuitive as I am, I enjoy helping people tap into the energy they already have; what has yet to be discovered. There's beauty in that, beauty in recognizing the inner wealth and potential someone already has and lifting it out of them. This is probably a more humble assistance in growth, the growth that generally goes unnoticed. I'm sincerely OK with that, but maybe I need to learn a new way to pursue growth in any relationship to help people become an Oak Tree?

One of my favorite quotes is by Youssou N'dour "People need to see that, far from being an obstacle, the world's diversity of languages and religions and traditions is a great treasure, affording us precious opportunities to recognize ourselves in others." I think helping others reach a new level internally somehow helps me do the same. Maybe I should try a less selfish approach? And here I thought I was being helpful! Aw phooey!

Expiration date?

A friend of mine recently posted about Marriage having an expiration date. He asked, AFTER our gchat conversation on the topic, if he could include it in the post. Had I known that was an option, I would have said something more prolific! ha!

It's a great post, probably what most free-spirited, "CAN'T HOLD ME BACK", people in our age range are thinking...Right?!?!

ATTTTTanyRATE...My comment in response to his post was: "LOL!!!! I'm so half-hearted about agreeing with an expiration date! In my selfishness I'm like "HELL YEA!!"; but I'm like... if we know there's that date where we can part ways and never look back, we won't do all we can to make the other person happy. That's the point right? Marriage is somewhat of a human attempt at AGAPE (unconditional/never ending) love-- to express it and receive it on a human level with someone other than our mother. Cause we know Mom Duke ain't goin' no where."

But check it out yourself cause I know this is a topic WE ALL discuss! I give you... Evening Epiphanies

WanderLUST

This feeling she had since childhood
The rush she got when embarking upon something new always equated never finishing the old. There was a definite desire to roam the world with nothing but a nap sack-- saving those held under the thumb of oppression, with not much more than her bible. That life doesn't exist though, not without some enormous sacrifice.

"If I we're a man, I could totally do that and still end up with a big job and a beautiful family. I mean, the sign CLEARLY reads: most women not welcome"

Continuously parched to fulfill this desire, she roamed in and around things within reason: city to city, job to job. No fulfillment, you know... that feeling you get once you have accomplished something you worked so hard for. As addicted to wanderlust as she was, her desire to accomplish began to supersede.

This silly love affair has to end at some point...right?

expressions from Nina B.

My Axis

If the Earth turns on an axis-- imaginary... then I believe we all have an “Axis”. Not to be touched, only to be understood. Kinda like an invisible backbone; this undeniable thing that no one can break, some folks simply will not be able to see, and others will not believe. Regardless of others, it’s up to us to push forward and evolve whenever necessary to make sure we continue to revolve around it. This is my Evolution. This is my Revolution. This is my "Axis".

Expressions from Nina B.