Mood- Retrospective & Prospective

I've been writing, but not as much as I normally do. I'm doing this whole "live in the moment" thing and my February has been awesome! Plenty of muse worthy moments, but I want to just live in them; instead of writing about them. Gonna carry this into March possibly. I couldn't even keep up with my 28days of truths! BELIEVE ME, I TRIED! So much going on, but all completely awesome! No complaints! At least I'll try to post music that I'm listening to as of lately or by the day. Anyways...see you in March!

Oldie but Goodie

VERSE 1:
I never knew a love.. love.. a love like this.
It's sorta like the love that's played in tennis
limitless, when intimate friends express it
I talked to the most, & I know he blessed it.
The cadence of destiny, patience, & ecstacy
we can be fresh on the.. cover of ebony,
but this is somethin' special we ain't tryna exploit
with a couple a actresses, now I'm in the tabloids.
like bad boyz, real love moves in silence.
They ride up in this, family business stay private.
Don't sweat the small stuff girl, cause we both giants
I looked into your eye's, & I see divine vibrance.
The way they prince many women's, only miss describe ya
a beautiful package, what's even better is inside it.
alive with the feelin's that I'm feelin' with you,
forever became real, but even realer with you...
IT's LOVE.

CHORUS:
It's love, it's love,
every time I think about your smile
anytime I need you by my side, you were there for me
cause you are the light that shines,
& I want the world to see
that you are the light that shines, you are my life.

VERSE 2:
It's important we communicate,
& watch this relationship illuminate the world
black pearl in you, is a lover & friend,
picture how your name will sound
with the last name Lynn.
Put a prayer in the air, that it never all end,
& if so, when we come back it'll be better again.
I will be by your side, through the smile & laughs,
the child we have, even when the clouds is bad,
I know your heart had been broken by a love that pass,
& when your not lookin, that's when love can grab.
Sometimes we gotta ask are we movin' too fast?
Ain't no limit to a love that's given from above.
Mean fish, collard greens, corn bread, you be rockin it
Similar values, tho in many ways we opposite.
Attracted to your uh.. & the way that you be poppin it
Brighten my life reminded me to stay positive..
IT's LOVE.

CHORUS

VERSE 3:
It's kinda fresh you listen to more than hip hop,
Pop, rock, & greenday, respectin' what the king say
for me to give a ring, hey.. only a queen may.
Invites to loved ones imagine a dream day.
Walkin' down the aisles sayin' vows us eternal.
Til thus do us.. for now we stay fertile.
Chicka uh.. chicka uh.. chicka-chicka-chi uhh..
let's keep creatin' baby, what we makin' is LOVE.

BRIDGE:
Love is like a melody, look into her eye's & see,
A night that shines as bright as day,
All my troubles drift away,
The light.. the light..(the light)
look into her eye's & see,
The light.. the light.. the light....

J*Davey's New Mistape

I should have posted this days ago, but life flew this week! lol... EXTRA DOPE (must download it); I'm in love with track one! Ok, I lied, I like the entire mistape lol! They'll be at Shrine in April, so catch up on their stuff while you can. You know how you false-fans do lol aight, enough jive talking...Happy Listening!

"Blessed are they who see beautiful things in humble places where other people see nothing." Camille Pissarro

AutumnC.Son Productions

Two of the most beautiful spirits I know started a Production company two years ago and are forging their way on a Christ led path! I'm blessed and honored that they occasionally feature me as a guest blogger.

Check out their blog at AutumnC.Son!

Continued blessings ladies!

You can see my specific blogs at:

Claude McKay- Poet and Be Like Clay


Peace.

Nina B.

This is how I once felt, but I gave up dating artists... I still believe in art and it's timelessness.

"At 21, I carried with me into the West End Bar a long list of things I would never do: I would never wear pearls or make casseroles. I would never go to a country-club dance, although I did like the paper lanterns casting rainbow colors on the terrace. I would never go near a man who had a portfolio or a set of golf clubs or a business or even a business suit. I would love only a wild thing. I didn't care if wild things tended to break hearts. I didn't care if they substituted scotch for breakfast cereal. I understood that art was long and life was short." -excerpt from "Art and Madness: A memoir of Love Without Reason" by Anne Roiphe in March 2011 ELLE

Day 17- Someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why

I believe everyone's journey was laid and paved for them before they were conceived, it's just up to us to be willing to take on the armor and often times tenacious, undefeated, spirit to walk it. With that being said, I wouldn't want to switch lives with an actual person. I love my life and I love my journey. I would, however, switch lives with this "figurative" person. She's a God fearing mother, wife and community leader. And although she enjoys shopping, her worth isn't and never was determined by material gain, but instead by her ability to give back. She loves to laugh, cook, thrift shop, sew, garden, discover new things, travel, paint and dance. She supports her children and husband in all things, with the deep understanding that prayer changes EVERYTHING. She is a woman of virtue, but not necessarily perfect-- who's spirit shines and tells a glorious story. A story filled with scars, attitudes, annoyances, mending, healing, growing, loving, joys, pains, climbing, building, pulling, pushing, kneeling (TONS OF PRAYING), hugs, jungle gyms, Parent Teacher Conferences, protests, town hall meetings, volunteering, family videos, pictures, loyalty, truths, courage, leaps, fulfilled dreams, peace, consciousness, righteousness, kisses, letters, , lies (helped her grow), LOVE (kept her stable/sane), emails, texts, comfy sweaters, colorful scarves, thrift clutches/jewelry, bbms, great sex (yea I said it), music (loads and loads of it), a book collection that's out of this world, toooooonns of vinyl, concerts, picnics, late nights slow dancing in a warm room with her husband, late night fun dancing in the kitchen with her children, tutoring, fun, silliness, traveling, a successful career, a small business, a few luxurious things and oppositely tattered flip flops and old Ts.

This woman is the woman my current me is reaching out to be...plus more. Wish me the best on this journey! I see her more and more everyday!

I'm so sorry! 28 days of truths

As if 28 days are a lot to handle. The way I've neglected this blog, one might be lead to believe I don't care. Quite the contrary, my birthday weekend just passed so that kept me BUSY! Also, I've been developing some things and they will more than likely lead to a few muses. I won't discuss those things yet, I'll hold them near & dear until they've been nurtured appropriately enough to be unveiled. So, let's get started with the days I've missed, this will be brief.

Day 12- Something about which people seem to compliment you.

With the utmost humility, I'll boldly venture to say I'm always complimented on my kind heart. I did not say PERFECT heart, she's still growing and being molded by the Most High, but I try to just be a sweetheart. I remember going to a Jill Scott concert a few years back and feeling her beautiful and comforting ambiance vibrate throughout the building. I decided then, "THAT is the vibe I want to give! THIS is how I want people to feel after their encounter with me!" I can't promise that my heart shows all the time, I can be a complete b*tch (especially when crossed). But I try.

Day 13- A letter to someone who has hurt you recently

I don't like liars. I don't like cowards either, generally cowards are liars because they fear something so much that they'll lie to prevent that SOMETHING. I won't dare say that I wish I never met you, but I do wish you were honest about your positioning. Much of that small debacle could have easily been avoided and we probably could have been the best of friends. Forgiven, but not forgotten. I can't promise that this beautiful heart of mine will shine through the minor disdain if we were to ever speak again-- Jaded. I must admit, I learned a valuable lesson. But who knows, karma is patient, she probably waited for me to be vulnerable before pouncing. You apologized, but often times "sorry" is just that... "sorry" and nothing deeper. Everything was vague, but I think you knew the ending from day one. This is where the disdain arises, I was not given the CHOICE to move forward for that small amount of time or run because you were not honest. But who am I kidding, L.Hill said it best, "Everyday people, they lie to God too. So what makes you think that they won't lie to you?" Furthermore, people lie to themselves ALL THE TIME! I was caught up in your personal lie, personal quest to run from what you knew to be true and possibly hoped I would be an answer in the opposite direction. I wish you well. Live in Truth. Not necessarily for your sake, but for the sake of those around you.

BLESSINGS!

Day 14- Something you're looking forward to this year

Remember those muses and projects I said I was working on? Good old 27 came bearing gifts of blessings, continued friendships, life and mayyyyybeeee LOVE! umhmmmmm that's the word I used. It's "like" right now, but I must admit that I've never experienced this type of balance before. It's always pushing, pulling, back breaking lifting and knee bruising kneeling. Today, I walk upright and with a cool lil' pep in my step. Nothing redundant; all things new. Well that's a lie because this "like" is a blast from the past (SHOUT OUT TO SUMMER OF 2003 lol)! ! This year is a blossoming year. As a person that has her green thumb tucked away in a back pocket, I know that's what everyone looks forward to. BLOOMING & REAPING =) Sow on sister...Sow on!

Day 15- Put your iPod on shuffle: First 10 songs that play

I don't have it with me! I'll revisit this tomorrow.


Day 16- Views on religion or politics

First and foremost, Jesus is my Lord and Savior! Anything after that can be summed up in one of my favorite quotes.

"People need to see that, far from being an obstacle, the world's diversity of languages and religions and traditions is a great treasure, affording us precious opportunities to recognize ourselves in others."
- Youssou N'dour

THE LOVE MOVEMENT

I HOPE EVERYONE ENJOYS VALENTINE'S DAY WEEKEND! ALL THE NEGATIVE LOVERS WILL SAY, "DOWN WITH CUPID!" BUT I SAY, EVEN IF YOU GIVE LOVE 365 DAYS OF THE YEAR, WHAT'S WRONG WITH GIVING IT 110% ON THIS PARTICULAR DAY!

Day 11- Discuss a spontaneous moment in your life that that turned out to be fantastic

HOUSTON BABY!!!! lol I was born and raised in Chicago, but I absolutely have to give major props to the city of Houston, TX. January of 2008 I decided I needed to leave Chicago, interviewed by February and was basking in Texas sun by March. So many doors easily opened for me, divine order DEFINITELY! lol I actually know the Texas song! I met wonderful friends that I will know the rest of my life. Did the most adventurous things like dance in water fountains; wake up the next morning with dirty feet and wet hair, completely confused about what happened! lol Beyond that, I grew up and into my womanhood a bit more. Such a beautiful thing!

New Video:: Erykah Badu “Gone Baby, Don’t Be Long”

I love this song, only right to direct you to the link for its video! Enjoy...

New Video:: Erykah Badu “Gone Baby, Don’t Be Long”

Day 10- Songs you listen to when you are Happy, Sad, Bored, Hyped, Mad

This is a hard one! What I listen to when I am Happy, Sad, Bored, Hyped, or Mad depends on what evoked those emotions. Am I happy because I just left church (joyful)? That would be Fred Hammond or almost any gospel song. If I am happy because I'm feeling "butterflies" =) then I might listen to Alicia Keys "wait til you see my smile", some Stevie Wonder, Teedra Moses or Phyllis Hyman. If I am happy because I'm with my family, then Prince, Chaka Khan, or Marvin Gaye (got to give it up). If I am feeling myself in all of my womanhood, then it'll be Chaka Khan, Jill Scott Teedra Moses or E. Badu... maybe even Prince again. Happiness is a very subjective word to me lol.

If I am Sad I will listen to gospel (Fred Hammond gets the job done) or Billie Holiday if I want to wallow in my sadness, but that's rare! Bored, ohhhhhh eeeeeeh, this is a rarity! I dont have time to be bored. After being an only child for so long, I've figured out ways to occupy my time. Hyped! Well, if I'm going to the club, then I must embarassingly admit that I will listen to any of the artists out now (Nikki Minaj, Beyonce, Weezy F. Baby, Wiz Khalif, etc.) But if I'm preparing for an interview, I might throw in Jay-Z, Lupe or Kanye to fix my ambiance. If It's summer and I'm just out and about, I might do Mos Def, Bob Marley, old house music, MGMT, J*Davey or any other random thing that will make me "feel good". Mad is a rarity as well, so I wont even answer that.

Keep in mind that these are things I purposely go to, but I'm always open to listen to anything in between.

Day 09- Someone you met randomly that's made an impact on your life

I mentioned her in another post, but the minister I worked with while at the Texans was the most random and yet helpful encounter. She was funny, non-judging and very insightful. By the time the season was over, she knew so much about me and always gave me the best advice regarding my father (which inevitably applied to everyone). She told me that as a society we grope, complain and moan about the way people treat us (don't treat us) or love us (don't love us), without considering subject positioning. One can not expect someone to respond a certain way when they were not taught to respond that way.

Since my encounter with her, I've grown to become this person that lets people go through their process, the only thing I generally ask for is honesty. If this is who you are and how you operate, I respect your process; just be honest about it. Not sure how, but being this way has made many situations less stressful and my biological Dad and I are much closer. I think I'll try to find my old cellphone and give this minister a call. **scribbles on to-do list**

Day 08- Your vocation (why are you here on earth)

Love. For a while I conversed with friends about their life’s theme. I inquired, “If you could give your life a theme, in one word, what would it be? What would be the word that keeps you moving forward?” Most responded with words like success, failure or progress. In asking this very personal inquiry, I was able to learn more about their inner most fears, conversations with self and desires. I asked this question because after reading my previous journals, all filled with poems and moments since 2002, I realized that my theme is “LOVE”. Love for God, Love of self, Love for life, Love for family, Love for enemies, Love for friends and then of course Love in the most intimate sense of the word. I'm not sure where that theme will take me, but I'm enjoying the ride. There's more there, I believe, just waiting for God to show me the intricacies of it.

Have Faith In Self

Today I made myself in life anew
By going to that royal fount of truth,
And searching for the secret of the few
Whose goal in life and aim is joy forsooth.
I found at last the friend and counsellor
That taught me all that I in life should know;
It is the soul, the sovereign chancellor,
The guide and keeper of the good you sow.

I am advised-"Go ye, have faith in self,
And seek once more the guide that lives in you"
Much better than the world of sordid pelf,
Alas! I found the counsel to be true.

Aha! I know right now that I shall see
The good in life, and be a better man;
I will by thought and deed pull all to me,
In saving others, yea, every one.

Go down and search yourself awhile in part,
And tell me all of what vou see and hear;
Isn't there something pulling at your heart?
Tell me the truth and have ye then no fear!
There is a voice that speaks to man, within,
It is the Soul that longs for you to know
There is no need for you to grope in sin,
For you in truth and light may ever grow.
-Marcus Garvey

**SN
-I'm in a very existentialist mood right now...when school is done and this thesis is a thing of the past, I need to re-read "Being and Nothingness"

28 Days of Truth (5, 6 and 7)

The weekend consumed me! Here we go with truths 5, 6 and 7!

Day 05- A picture of somewhere you’ve been

San Juan was my early Birthday present to myself! It's well known that I will pack a bag; catch a flight and/or drive by myself for an adventure. I went to visit a close friend of mine and had an awesome time!

Day 06- Favorite super hero and why

CHEER BEAR! I watched Care Bears EVERY Saturday morning (hair not combed, rocking a Care Bear T-shirt and smashin' a hugantic bowl of cereal). My favorite hero was Cheer Bear. Not the typical hero, right? Well, according to Wikipedia: "Cheer Bear is a very happy and perky bear, who helps everyone be their happiest and cheer up those who are unhappy." Sounds like the perfect hero to me!

Day 07- A picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you

I don't think my mother would approve if I posted a picture of her, but she has the biggest impact on me. My mother forged through single motherhood with me and did a pretty awesome job! Because of her, I understand necessary sacrifices and I believe that confident humility will get you far in life. She's the epitome of juggling a career that gives back to the community, non-hovering but still supportive motherhood and being a spiritual/awesome/supportive/sexy/beautiful wife! I only pray that I can be as great as her some day!

28 Days of Truth- Day 4 (A habit that you wish you didn’t have)

This is so funny! I ironically just read a tweet from Ms. Badu, see above, and thought about my habit of being impatient. I've always been the child that would never sit down, never shut up and continuously wanted to be in two places at the same time. I can't begin to tell you how many times I've said, "If only I had an identical twin! I wouldn't have this problem!" My mother fondly says, "You're like the new born bird in the nest that's always trying to fly without it's wings! Wait for the wings Nina!"

Just like the patient individuals, I've seen things come and go because of my ways. I've seen things come because I jumped on the ball and I have also seen things slide through my fingers because I tried too hard or jumped too soon. Like a friend told me, "If people don't know or understand you, they may think your forward personality is too much. But rest assured that anything meant to be will stick!"

It's a beautiful thing to know your worth. While there have been plenty of times I thought I should have just sat down and chilled, I still value my energetic and forward personality. Double-edged sword-ish right? lol

Day 03- A book you've read that changed your views on something

I will venture to say that in every phase of my life I've encountered a book (fiction and/or non-fiction) that changed my views on something. I remember my aunt giving me Sistah Souljah's first book, "No Disrespect" and thinking to myself after reading it, "there's no way I should be reading this book!" lol... needless to say I knew TOO MUCH for my own good anyway and that book didn't help the cause. Not that it changed my views, it was just a funny story I wanted to share *shruggage*

In all honesty, the novel that changed my views on religion and life was William P. Young's "The Shack". I moved to Houston in '08 and worked diligently on my career, my relationship with myself and my relationship with God. I felt, that for so long, I was concerned with other people and in turn neglected things that mattered! The truth, to me, is that one's intrapersonal communication and communication with God directly influences how he or she relates to outsiders (which is called interpersonal communication)! Hate yourself? You'll surely hate others! Hate God? You'll surely hate others! SIMPLE! ('hate' is interchangeable. Try 'love')

Anyway, while working with the Rockets and Texans I happened upon two very spiritual individuals. One was a minister that just needed something to do when she wasn't occupied and the other was a guy that volunteered heavily with his church. One day while discussing "life" with the minister she raved on and on about this novel and of course was beyond delighted to bring it to me the next day. I happened to be reading it while at work when the gentleman I worked with stopped in delight saying he handed it out in his Christian summer camp. We chatted for hours about the novel! I can not begin to explain how awesome it is! I alternately laughed, cried and shrieked in horror while shuffling through each chapter.

I don't want to give the novel away entirely, but I will say this: growing up in the C.M.E. church I was taught heavily about God's wrath and never enough about his grace. Reading this novel made me feel less guilty about believing in all paths to heaven. I was never a fan of facets or denominations, especially since in HS I had great friends that practiced the Muslim and Buddhist faith. I learned quickly that there was "bad" in every race/religion, those two friends NEVER steered me wrong or crossed me, I can't say the same about my Christian friends. God loves us all, this I knew, but something about that novel gave me a refreshing outlook. I promised myself I would read it once a year, needless to say I've read it twice and am due for another read! **scribbles on to-do list**

I hope that explanation was sufficient!

Peace & Blessings...

Nina B.

28 Days of truths (Day 1 & 2)

I have completely neglected my blog, at least in the sense that my purpose of creating it was to display my writing. I've not felt inspired to write lately, but maybe the 28 days of truths will put me back in the swing of things. Day 1 & Day 2 are combined in this post! HAPPY READING!

Day 1: Recent Picture and 15 facts about yourself

Wow, 15 facts! That's a bit much to handle. I'm not all that INTERESTING and I don't take myself seriously, so here we go.

1. My birthmark really isn't my birthmark. I think the mark under my eye was probably an allergic reaction to a shot I got when I was about two years old.

2. I don't take myself seriously.

3. My birthday is on Valentine's Day, and I've been in love with the idea of LOVE since birth!

4. I can be pretty blunt, but that's generally on accident; we can attribute that to #2.

5. I love trying new things.

6. It's rare that I judge people; and if I do, more than likely I've already told them how I feel.

7. I ate plants when I was a kid. Don't judge me!

8. I have a green-thumb. I sincerely can not wait for the day I own a house with a huge backyard! All Tulips Everything!

9. While this may not be obvious to some, if I'm in your corner, there's no limit to what I will do for you! Even if you upset me, I'll still do anything for you.

10. God first, family, friends (in that order) are the most important things to me.

11. I can't raise my right thumb entirely.

12. I've had more injuries than most men out there. Broken ankle, busted head (twice), and stitches for days!

13. I love football!

14. Did I say I don't take myself seriously? Oh, I did...? Well, how about the next one.

15. I don't take other people seriously lol this also leads to #4 and #6.


Day 2: The meaning behind your blog name

I scribbled in my notepad one day, "If the Earth turns on an axis-- imaginary... then I believe we all have an “Axis”. Not to be touched, only to be understood. Kinda like an invisible backbone; this undeniable thing that no one can break, some folks simply will not be able to see, and others will not believe. Regardless of others, it’s up to us to push forward and evolve whenever necessary to make sure we continue to revolve around it."

For the past three years, and still today, I make an honest attempt to recognize who I am in the body of Christ, who I am to myself, who I am to my friends/family and what role I play in society. What is my theme? I am a giver, and LOVE is my Axis. I will not say that I'm always this sweet innocent woman, but I sincerely enjoy being this Valentine's Day Love Bug =) Even when I know the feelings I give won't be reciprocated, I give them anyway. It is imperative that everyone finds their "AXIS" and forge through all barriers to let the world see it in all of its glory!